Night time with Matty is one of my favorite times of the day. We go up to his room, sit in the rocking chair, I nurse him and then we read at least one book before bed time. Last night I chose Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.
When I first got the book I tried to read it to Matthew when he was just days old and couldn't get through it with out sobbing. As touching as the book is, I am not usually the sappy type so I chalked it up to hormones. Now that he is 4 months old, I thought I'd give it another whirl. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that either my postpartum hormones are still in full effect or it's just a really good book that makes me cry when I read it, because by the last page the tears were freely flowing from my eyes and down my cheeks.
The words in the book are just so true. No matter what Matthew does that makes me angry or annoyed as he grows, I will love him forever, I will like him for always, As long as I'm living, My baby he'll be.
I sat there and really let the words sink in. I would do anything for him, and I hope he never doubts that. My main objective in life now is to love him and teach him the tools he needs to be, first and foremost, a good person. When he's little I'll savor the time that he's a mama's boy, but as he grows, my wish for him is to be independent and a hard worker, but also know that he can always count on his mommy to be there to guide him and love him.
As I sat there last night rocking my baby to sleep, I looked down at him with tears still flowing down my face, and he looked up at me and smiled and then reached up to touch my face. It was the most beautiful moment, and it's a memory that I'll cherish for all time. Matty Luke I will Love You Forever.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Mommyhood is amazing
Wow, it's been a really long time since I've written to my blog. No, I am not still pregnant!
Matthew Lucas was born on September 24, 2013 at 3:22 p.m. weighing 7 lbs 10 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. He is absolutely amazing and the best thing that has ever happened to me. After nearly 2 years of trying to conceive Matthew, and possibly the worst pregnancy I could imagine, I can honestly say, every heart ache, every tear, every trip to the toilet bowl, was worth it.
I can't even remember what my life was like before he was in it. Before being a mom, I liked to do my own thing and have alone time where I could just decompress after work and on the weekends. Now, I can't wait to get home so I can snuggle my baby, talk to and play with him and nurse him. Nursing is such an awesome experience. It's a bond that I can't really explain. It makes me feel so content to be able to provide for my baby in such a close and personal way.
He is just shy of four months, and I have learned what his different cries mean - there's one for hunger, dirty diapers, tiredness and then my favorite one... the "I miss mommy" one. I just have to go pick him up and it's like all is right in the world again. He's laughing and becoming more vocal every day and he's just such a happy and content little dude. The love I have for him makes my heart literally want to burst open.
When it's a particularly tough day at work or the hubs and I just aren't on the same page, I look at that little boy and none of that matters. As long as he's happy and cared for, that's truly all I need to be happy. I of course still care about my work, but my priorities did a complete 180 after Matt was born and instead of stressing about the every day struggles in life, I now see the bigger picture.The laundry and dishes can wait if my boy wants to be held just a little while longer. After all, he's only this small for so long and then he'll grow up and won't want to snuggle with me. So, I am going to savor it while it lasts.
Matthew Lucas was born on September 24, 2013 at 3:22 p.m. weighing 7 lbs 10 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. He is absolutely amazing and the best thing that has ever happened to me. After nearly 2 years of trying to conceive Matthew, and possibly the worst pregnancy I could imagine, I can honestly say, every heart ache, every tear, every trip to the toilet bowl, was worth it.
I can't even remember what my life was like before he was in it. Before being a mom, I liked to do my own thing and have alone time where I could just decompress after work and on the weekends. Now, I can't wait to get home so I can snuggle my baby, talk to and play with him and nurse him. Nursing is such an awesome experience. It's a bond that I can't really explain. It makes me feel so content to be able to provide for my baby in such a close and personal way.
He is just shy of four months, and I have learned what his different cries mean - there's one for hunger, dirty diapers, tiredness and then my favorite one... the "I miss mommy" one. I just have to go pick him up and it's like all is right in the world again. He's laughing and becoming more vocal every day and he's just such a happy and content little dude. The love I have for him makes my heart literally want to burst open.
When it's a particularly tough day at work or the hubs and I just aren't on the same page, I look at that little boy and none of that matters. As long as he's happy and cared for, that's truly all I need to be happy. I of course still care about my work, but my priorities did a complete 180 after Matt was born and instead of stressing about the every day struggles in life, I now see the bigger picture.The laundry and dishes can wait if my boy wants to be held just a little while longer. After all, he's only this small for so long and then he'll grow up and won't want to snuggle with me. So, I am going to savor it while it lasts.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
X ray vision?
I had my 34 week appointment on Tuesday, and I met a different doctor in the practice. So far all of the doctors/midwives that I have met have all been very nice and acceptable choices for delivery of Baby Spills. While I am more comfortable with a female doctor for some reason, I have to say that this male doctor was very pleasant and took the time to explain the things that he was doing during the examination. For someone with the gift of gab, I find myself drawing a blank at each appointment when it comes to asking questions of the doctors, so it was a relief to me that he automatically talked me through the entire 10 minute appointment.
First, I was surprised when he told me that the baby is head down and in position. Baffled by his x-ray vision, I asked him how he knew, as I feel like I am getting a head butt to the ribs every night. He explained that years of experience and, by feeling my torso, he is able to know where the baby is at each stage of pregnancy - especially now that Baby Spills is anywhere from 4 to 5 1/2 pounds.
Next, I asked him about my nausea, headaches and dizzy spells that seem to catch me off guard at all hours of the day and night. He explained that in simple terms - I am pregnant and there's nothing to be done besides get up slower, stay hydrated and eat small, more frequent meals. All things that I have been doing for the past 8.5 months to no relief.
Finally, my favorite part of the appointment came when he took out the Doppler to hear the baby's heart rate. I was once again reassured when he said, "welp, it sounds like a baby." Thank God, because some of these crazy dreams I've been having include me delivering puppies, snakes and unisex dolls.
It's hard to believe that in roughly 38 days I will be due to deliver my bundle of joy. I wouldn't mind the baby coming a little sooner, but I know that when the baby is ready, he or she will make their grand debut!
First, I was surprised when he told me that the baby is head down and in position. Baffled by his x-ray vision, I asked him how he knew, as I feel like I am getting a head butt to the ribs every night. He explained that years of experience and, by feeling my torso, he is able to know where the baby is at each stage of pregnancy - especially now that Baby Spills is anywhere from 4 to 5 1/2 pounds.
Next, I asked him about my nausea, headaches and dizzy spells that seem to catch me off guard at all hours of the day and night. He explained that in simple terms - I am pregnant and there's nothing to be done besides get up slower, stay hydrated and eat small, more frequent meals. All things that I have been doing for the past 8.5 months to no relief.
Finally, my favorite part of the appointment came when he took out the Doppler to hear the baby's heart rate. I was once again reassured when he said, "welp, it sounds like a baby." Thank God, because some of these crazy dreams I've been having include me delivering puppies, snakes and unisex dolls.
It's hard to believe that in roughly 38 days I will be due to deliver my bundle of joy. I wouldn't mind the baby coming a little sooner, but I know that when the baby is ready, he or she will make their grand debut!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Breastfeeding class
Last night, I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital where I'll be delivering Baby Spills in T-6 weeks... can you believe how quickly his or her due date is approaching? Yeah, me neither! As I embarked on yet another item to check off on my countdown to delivery list, I was relieved to realize just how close the hospital is from our house - now we just pray that I don't go into labor at work, which is about a 45 minute drive.
Anyway, after I arrived at the parking ramp, I went to the building where I thought the class was in. Thank goodness I left early, because I was in the wrong building all together. After going floor to floor and finding no one in sight - no staff, no janitors, no fellow class participants, literally nobody - with 12 minutes to spare, I waddled as quickly as my legs would let me go to the main entrance of the hospital. Luckily I made it inside with now 5 minutes to spare. That is until I got to the elevator and had to wait another 7 minutes before I could take it to the floor that I needed to be on. As I arrived, late of course, I found a seat in the middle and kept thinking about how I should have found a bathroom before entering the room because now I can't be late and get up to pee. The power point presentation, though boring, was actually very informative and helped me better understand the benefits of breastfeeding to both mom and baby. Besides the obvious financial benefits and supplying nourishment to the baby, I also learned of the antibodies and countless supplements it provides that formula just can't. I had always planned on trying to breastfeed, but now I feel like I am more determined to make it work. It's all about a proper latch and having patience, because let's face it, I am not the only one who won't exactly know what I'm doing. I am sure that my child will be a genius and all, but it's his or her first few days in the outside world, so I think we can cut each other some slack for a while.
After about an hour of slides and a short recess, I was back in class to watch a "short" video. Another 45 minutes later of watching moms whip out the goods of all different shapes, sizes and ethnicity, I feel confident that I'll be able to do what nature intended me to do when Baby Spills arrives. I will, however, not be so free as to videotape and walk around topless everywhere I go. Although I have no problems with mothers who breastfeed in public at restaurants, the mall or at the movies without a shield, I do not feel I would be so comfortable to do so myself. That's why the manufacturers invented "Hide a Hooters" isn't it?
The class ended about 15 minutes late and I found that I could have entered the building through the parking ramp thus cutting my earlier late time by about 5 minutes... oh well though. The hospital tour is this weekend, so hopefully after that I'll know where I am going. If not, I'll be banking on the wise husband to keep a clear head as I am breathing through contractions, totally calm of course, and get settled in for baby's first day. Stay tuned...
Anyway, after I arrived at the parking ramp, I went to the building where I thought the class was in. Thank goodness I left early, because I was in the wrong building all together. After going floor to floor and finding no one in sight - no staff, no janitors, no fellow class participants, literally nobody - with 12 minutes to spare, I waddled as quickly as my legs would let me go to the main entrance of the hospital. Luckily I made it inside with now 5 minutes to spare. That is until I got to the elevator and had to wait another 7 minutes before I could take it to the floor that I needed to be on. As I arrived, late of course, I found a seat in the middle and kept thinking about how I should have found a bathroom before entering the room because now I can't be late and get up to pee. The power point presentation, though boring, was actually very informative and helped me better understand the benefits of breastfeeding to both mom and baby. Besides the obvious financial benefits and supplying nourishment to the baby, I also learned of the antibodies and countless supplements it provides that formula just can't. I had always planned on trying to breastfeed, but now I feel like I am more determined to make it work. It's all about a proper latch and having patience, because let's face it, I am not the only one who won't exactly know what I'm doing. I am sure that my child will be a genius and all, but it's his or her first few days in the outside world, so I think we can cut each other some slack for a while.
After about an hour of slides and a short recess, I was back in class to watch a "short" video. Another 45 minutes later of watching moms whip out the goods of all different shapes, sizes and ethnicity, I feel confident that I'll be able to do what nature intended me to do when Baby Spills arrives. I will, however, not be so free as to videotape and walk around topless everywhere I go. Although I have no problems with mothers who breastfeed in public at restaurants, the mall or at the movies without a shield, I do not feel I would be so comfortable to do so myself. That's why the manufacturers invented "Hide a Hooters" isn't it?
The class ended about 15 minutes late and I found that I could have entered the building through the parking ramp thus cutting my earlier late time by about 5 minutes... oh well though. The hospital tour is this weekend, so hopefully after that I'll know where I am going. If not, I'll be banking on the wise husband to keep a clear head as I am breathing through contractions, totally calm of course, and get settled in for baby's first day. Stay tuned...
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
29 weeks down, 11 weeks to go...
So I am two weeks into my third trimester and I am starting to feel REALLY pregnant. Not only has Baby Spills been practicing his or her karate skills, but I have recently learned the hard way that morning sickness, or all day sickness as I like to call it, can creep back into the mix. The tricky part now in the third trimester is that as I am heaving into the porcelain thrown several times a day I have to try extra hard not to pee myself in the process. Luckily I haven't had any accidents at work, knock on wood, but I have found myself needing to do more laundry at home. Must be a level of comfort thing...
As my belly area expands farther outward, I have also received more comments about my mid-section region - some that are nice like "you are all belly" or "you must be having a boy because your face hasn't gotten fat," and then some that are not so nice like "you're looking extra pregnant today" or "wow, you've really popped." Thanks a$$holes I still have about 3 more months to go. Can't wait for your comments come September.
Speaking of less than 3 months to go, I am also at a loss when it comes to deciding on baby names. We have our boys names lined up - sorry they are a secret - but our girl names have recently been stolen from underneath us. One by a family member once removed and the other by a dog, which also happened to be my favorite of the two. I just can't name her - if she's a her - the same name as a puppy. What if they are in the same place at the same time and the owner calls out for the puppy and my child comes running? Or worse, the owner tells the puppy to sit and my child obeys... Talk about self image issues down the road.
As I get increasingly closer to the finish line, I have also found that I am masochistic in that I can't tear my eyes away from "A Baby Story" and as more and more of my friends have their babies, I must know all the details about the pain that they have suffered through during labor. This one is really none of my business, but I can't seem to help myself the words "so how painful was it" are out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. On one hand I want to know what I am in for and on the other hand it's too late to turn back so why oh why do I need to hear all the gory details? I don't know what it is, but I am apparently guilty of it too, people feel that they can ask a pregnant woman or a new mom personal, over the top questions like "did you poop during the delivery," "did you need an episiotomy" and "have you decided to breast feed" ... clearly these questions do not come up during regular every day life, and for good reason, but for some reason after the miracle of birth these overstepping inquiries are at the top of everyone's must asks.
As my belly area expands farther outward, I have also received more comments about my mid-section region - some that are nice like "you are all belly" or "you must be having a boy because your face hasn't gotten fat," and then some that are not so nice like "you're looking extra pregnant today" or "wow, you've really popped." Thanks a$$holes I still have about 3 more months to go. Can't wait for your comments come September.
Speaking of less than 3 months to go, I am also at a loss when it comes to deciding on baby names. We have our boys names lined up - sorry they are a secret - but our girl names have recently been stolen from underneath us. One by a family member once removed and the other by a dog, which also happened to be my favorite of the two. I just can't name her - if she's a her - the same name as a puppy. What if they are in the same place at the same time and the owner calls out for the puppy and my child comes running? Or worse, the owner tells the puppy to sit and my child obeys... Talk about self image issues down the road.
As I get increasingly closer to the finish line, I have also found that I am masochistic in that I can't tear my eyes away from "A Baby Story" and as more and more of my friends have their babies, I must know all the details about the pain that they have suffered through during labor. This one is really none of my business, but I can't seem to help myself the words "so how painful was it" are out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them. On one hand I want to know what I am in for and on the other hand it's too late to turn back so why oh why do I need to hear all the gory details? I don't know what it is, but I am apparently guilty of it too, people feel that they can ask a pregnant woman or a new mom personal, over the top questions like "did you poop during the delivery," "did you need an episiotomy" and "have you decided to breast feed" ... clearly these questions do not come up during regular every day life, and for good reason, but for some reason after the miracle of birth these overstepping inquiries are at the top of everyone's must asks.
Monday, July 1, 2013
The dreaded Glucose test
On Saturday, I had my third trimester Glucose test, which indicates whether or not I have gestational diabetes. I have dreaded this test since I found out all pregnant mommies have to get this between 24 and 28 weeks. I of course procrastinated and waited until the last Saturday before my deadline.
For those unfamiliar with the test, you fast for 4 hours - I fasted the whole night, since my appointment was first thing in the morning - then when you get to the diagnostic center, you sign in, they give you an orange drink that I chugged as quickly as possible and then wait an hour for the blood draw. It honestly wasn't bad at all. The drink was cold, so it didn't make me want to throw up, and I even got to sit in a back room with recliners, a flat screen tv and another pregnant woman having the same test done at the very same time.
We talked about our pregnancies, discussed morning sickness, baby names and then compared weight gain - she's 30 weeks and only gained 14 so far, and so now I feel like a hippo. It made the time go very quickly though, and it was nice to meet a woman who has had similar experiences during her pregnancy. She was also very sick the first half of her pregnancy and suffers from low blood pressure. She also told me about the birth of her first child which resulted in a C-section and how she'll have a C-section with this one too.
After Saturday and our discussion, it started to really set in that this baby will be here in roughly 12 weeks. That's really soon, and there is still so much to do. It's also starting to feel real that I'll be going through the labor process in just about 12 weeks too, and I suddenly have found myself having nightmares about pushing, the hospital stay, and nurses from hell. Not to mention the sudden dose of reality that I know nothing about keeping a newborn alive and out of harms way. I can be a bit of a flake when it comes to remembering where I left my keys and whether or not I shut and locked the front door. What if I forget that I have a baby one day and start my drive to work only to remember I left my infant at home asleep in his or her bassinet? Or what if the baby doesn't like me? Or worse, what if I am a terrible mom? It's something I have wanted for a very long time and went through great lengths to actually get pregnant, but what if I really suck at the whole mom thing? I love taking care of my nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day, I get to send them home. This child will be with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's a lot of responsibility. The worrying has just begun, but I'll just have to take it day by day.
For those unfamiliar with the test, you fast for 4 hours - I fasted the whole night, since my appointment was first thing in the morning - then when you get to the diagnostic center, you sign in, they give you an orange drink that I chugged as quickly as possible and then wait an hour for the blood draw. It honestly wasn't bad at all. The drink was cold, so it didn't make me want to throw up, and I even got to sit in a back room with recliners, a flat screen tv and another pregnant woman having the same test done at the very same time.
We talked about our pregnancies, discussed morning sickness, baby names and then compared weight gain - she's 30 weeks and only gained 14 so far, and so now I feel like a hippo. It made the time go very quickly though, and it was nice to meet a woman who has had similar experiences during her pregnancy. She was also very sick the first half of her pregnancy and suffers from low blood pressure. She also told me about the birth of her first child which resulted in a C-section and how she'll have a C-section with this one too.
After Saturday and our discussion, it started to really set in that this baby will be here in roughly 12 weeks. That's really soon, and there is still so much to do. It's also starting to feel real that I'll be going through the labor process in just about 12 weeks too, and I suddenly have found myself having nightmares about pushing, the hospital stay, and nurses from hell. Not to mention the sudden dose of reality that I know nothing about keeping a newborn alive and out of harms way. I can be a bit of a flake when it comes to remembering where I left my keys and whether or not I shut and locked the front door. What if I forget that I have a baby one day and start my drive to work only to remember I left my infant at home asleep in his or her bassinet? Or what if the baby doesn't like me? Or worse, what if I am a terrible mom? It's something I have wanted for a very long time and went through great lengths to actually get pregnant, but what if I really suck at the whole mom thing? I love taking care of my nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day, I get to send them home. This child will be with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That's a lot of responsibility. The worrying has just begun, but I'll just have to take it day by day.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Child Birth Class
This past Saturday, Eric and I attended child birth class to get a sneak peek at what we have in store for us in T-103 days, give or take a few days. Saturday also happened to be Eric's birthday, which was a bone of contention for a short while before the big day. I didn't really understand the big deal, because I figured a video of a baby coming out of a woman's vagina would be the perfect present for my dear husband. I guess maybe I was wrong... who knew?
In all seriousness, the class was actually pretty informational and the instructor was phenomenal. She was engaging and conducted the class as more of a conversation than that of a College 101 course entitled How to deliver your baby. After we went around the room describing our biggest fears and complaints, mine being going into labor at work and the fact that pregnancy has made me stupid, she started to tell us how times have drastically changed. Back when she was born in the 1960s, the mothers were dropped off at the nursing station and the fathers were ushered into a waiting area to place bets on the biggest baby, the ugliest baby, the hairiest baby, etc. She then went on to talk about how ugly of a baby she was ... side note, she's an attractive woman now... but when she was born, the cone shaped head baby's usually have was on the side of her head, she had a hairy back and, because ultrasound technology was not yet available, she was born, unbeknownst to her parents before delivery, with just one hand. I was shocked. I hadn't noticed it until she held up her arm, and I am ashamed to admit that my mind went straight to Saturday Night Live and the "Lawrence Welk Show" skit with Kristen Wiig. I then found myself in amazement at how she had overcome her disability and has grown her career to become a highly-demanded doula and labor and delivery nurse.
She opened my eyes to the benefits of the epidural, and at the same time, made me rethink my biggest fear. I have now changed it to what the heck happens when I am done with my hospital stay and I am sent on my way to be a mom 24/7. Not sure why I hadn't thought of this reality until she mentioned it as her greatest fear, but here I am now obsessing about it.
After we heard more anecdotes and discussed other possible complications and best case scenarios, it was time for the delivery video. She asked who hadn't seen one, and surprisingly I was the only one that raised my hand as a have not seen. She then asked me how on earth I have come 29 years without ever watching a birthing video. I proudly exclaimed that in Catholic school I was taught abstinence and pretty much that deliveries are similar to that of the Virgin Mary's delivery of Baby Jesus. After watching the video, I see that I was clearly mislead and delivering a baby is no pretty picture. Speaking of pictures, no cameras will be allowed within 30 feet of the delivery room of Baby Spills, nor will Eric be holding a mirror for me to watch the miracle of life, and he will be instructed to please close his eyes tight during the crowning phase. That stuff's disgusting. I am traumatized to think that that's how I made my entrance into the world. Sorry mom, but that looked like it hurt!
In all seriousness, the class was actually pretty informational and the instructor was phenomenal. She was engaging and conducted the class as more of a conversation than that of a College 101 course entitled How to deliver your baby. After we went around the room describing our biggest fears and complaints, mine being going into labor at work and the fact that pregnancy has made me stupid, she started to tell us how times have drastically changed. Back when she was born in the 1960s, the mothers were dropped off at the nursing station and the fathers were ushered into a waiting area to place bets on the biggest baby, the ugliest baby, the hairiest baby, etc. She then went on to talk about how ugly of a baby she was ... side note, she's an attractive woman now... but when she was born, the cone shaped head baby's usually have was on the side of her head, she had a hairy back and, because ultrasound technology was not yet available, she was born, unbeknownst to her parents before delivery, with just one hand. I was shocked. I hadn't noticed it until she held up her arm, and I am ashamed to admit that my mind went straight to Saturday Night Live and the "Lawrence Welk Show" skit with Kristen Wiig. I then found myself in amazement at how she had overcome her disability and has grown her career to become a highly-demanded doula and labor and delivery nurse.
She opened my eyes to the benefits of the epidural, and at the same time, made me rethink my biggest fear. I have now changed it to what the heck happens when I am done with my hospital stay and I am sent on my way to be a mom 24/7. Not sure why I hadn't thought of this reality until she mentioned it as her greatest fear, but here I am now obsessing about it.
After we heard more anecdotes and discussed other possible complications and best case scenarios, it was time for the delivery video. She asked who hadn't seen one, and surprisingly I was the only one that raised my hand as a have not seen. She then asked me how on earth I have come 29 years without ever watching a birthing video. I proudly exclaimed that in Catholic school I was taught abstinence and pretty much that deliveries are similar to that of the Virgin Mary's delivery of Baby Jesus. After watching the video, I see that I was clearly mislead and delivering a baby is no pretty picture. Speaking of pictures, no cameras will be allowed within 30 feet of the delivery room of Baby Spills, nor will Eric be holding a mirror for me to watch the miracle of life, and he will be instructed to please close his eyes tight during the crowning phase. That stuff's disgusting. I am traumatized to think that that's how I made my entrance into the world. Sorry mom, but that looked like it hurt!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)