Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Child Birth Class

This past Saturday, Eric and I attended child birth class to get a sneak peek at what we have in store for us in T-103 days, give or take a few days. Saturday also happened to be Eric's birthday, which was a bone of contention for a short while before the big day. I didn't really understand the big deal, because I figured a video of a baby coming out of a woman's vagina would be the perfect present for my dear husband. I guess maybe I was wrong... who knew?

In all seriousness, the class was actually pretty informational and the instructor was phenomenal. She was engaging and conducted the class as more of a conversation than that of a College 101 course entitled How to deliver your baby. After we went around the room describing our biggest fears and complaints, mine being going into labor at work and the fact that pregnancy has made me stupid, she started to tell us how times have drastically changed. Back when she was born in the 1960s, the mothers were dropped off at the nursing station and the fathers were ushered into a waiting area to place bets on the biggest baby, the ugliest baby, the hairiest baby, etc. She then went on to talk about how ugly of a baby she was ... side note, she's an attractive woman now... but when she was born, the cone shaped head baby's usually have was on the side of her head, she had a hairy back and, because ultrasound technology was not yet available, she was born, unbeknownst to her parents before delivery, with just one hand. I was shocked. I hadn't noticed it until she held up her arm, and I am ashamed to admit that my mind went straight to Saturday Night Live and the "Lawrence Welk Show" skit with Kristen Wiig. I then found myself in amazement at how she had overcome her disability and has grown her career to become a highly-demanded doula and labor and delivery nurse.

She opened my eyes to the benefits of the epidural, and at the same time, made me rethink my biggest fear. I have now changed it to what the heck happens when I am done with my hospital stay and I am sent on my way to be a mom 24/7. Not sure why I hadn't thought of this reality until she mentioned it as her greatest fear, but here I am now obsessing about it.

After we heard more anecdotes and discussed other possible complications and best case scenarios, it was time for the delivery video. She asked who hadn't seen one, and surprisingly I was the only one that raised my hand as a have not seen. She then asked me how on earth I have come 29 years without ever watching a birthing video. I proudly exclaimed that in Catholic school I was taught abstinence and pretty much that deliveries are similar to that of the Virgin Mary's delivery of Baby Jesus. After watching the video, I see that I was clearly mislead and delivering a baby is no pretty picture. Speaking of pictures, no cameras will be allowed within 30 feet of the delivery room of Baby Spills, nor will Eric be holding a mirror for me to watch the miracle of life, and he will be instructed to please close his eyes tight during the crowning phase. That stuff's disgusting. I am traumatized to think that that's how I made my entrance into the world. Sorry mom, but that looked like it hurt!